Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Chosen One


     When we were little we watched He-Man Masters of the Universe every afternoon and played with the action figures all the time.  One day a brand new department store came to town.  For their grand opening they hosted a contest: create a new He-Man character.

     My brother, sister, and I were all over this.  With the contest sheets in hand we got to work.  I forget what my brother and sister created, but I remember them laughing at me.  I didn't care.  My character rocked and I knew it.

     Ready to win the contest, we marched into the store toting our caricatures on opening day.  Every kid in town, dreaming of the national grand prize, invented characters that littered the entry walls of the store.  The winner would receive: Castle Grayskull, every single Masters of the Universe action figure available, and the winner's character would be marketed and sold.  Second graders don't get that kind of power every day!

    Before you were eligible for such power, you first had to win at the local level.  Around noon, the announcer revealed "The winner of the new He-Man character contest is.... (imaginary drum roll please) Marian.  Please come to the front to collect your prize Marian."  My brother looked at me incredulous.  "No way!"  "How did she win?" my sister asked.  I just smiled all the way to the front desk.

     My smile got even bigger when they handed me my prize:

Suck it brother and sister.  This guy's all mine!
      We went home and immediately replaced our boring home phone with my new awesome He-Man phone.  I sat by that phone and sat and sat and sat answering every single call to our house that day.  I knew they would call me that night revealing I had won the national grand prize.  I would be the chosen one.  So strong was my confidence that I would be the big winner that I kept vigil by my phone for days.

     Unfortunately, I did not win the national grand prize.  Even more unfortunately, my drawing became the property of Meijer corp.  I wish I could share that awesomeness with you.  My character would have solved all He-Man's problems.  My character was the key to peace and harmony in Eternia.  My character was the missing piece of the Masters of the Universe line up.  My character was "Mrs. Skeletor."

A little loving could go a long way with this guy.

By the power of Grayskull, I had the power... for at least one afternoon.

I'm over at Finding the Funny #17.  Join me there to check out some other hilarious stories.

This story was inspired by Kristi over at There's No Time For Pants! who is super funny.  She nicknamed her littlest guy "Skeletor", which reminded me of this.  Check her out and tell her I sent you.

10 comments:

  1. They obviously missed out on a great opportunity for an amazing spin-off show: The Skeletors

    It could have been about Mr. and Mr.s Skeletor and their skeletor children. Mr. Skeletor would come home from work complaining about He-Man and Mrs. Skeletor would crack comments like "You think He-Man is bad try staying at home with these kids" and laughter would ensue.

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    1. I love it Christian! I also like the possibilities of She-Ra vs. Mrs. Skeletor in a foxy boxing match.

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  2. Oh, I want that phone sooooooo bad!!! A Mrs. Skeletor would have been the coolest! That's too funny. My brother and I were also obsessed with He-Man and She-ra when we were little. He even had a Battle Cat that you could ride on. Yeah...I just scrolled back up to look at that phone again. So freaking awesome!

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    1. I think my mom humored me by keeping that phone as the family phone all summer long. Then it sat in my bedroom for a long time unused because I was only 7 and not really old enough to call people. That phone was the best.

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  3. I am totally having one of those slack-jawed slap-my-forehead moments - MRS. Skeletor. Of COURSE. It's genius. They were fools not to choose your design; you and I might be the only girls who played with the He Man toys, but Mrs. Skeletor would've opened up a whole new demographic for them (namely, *normal* girls). ;)

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    1. See? You totally get it! I also love how you write "normal" girls. I think that perfectly describes me.

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  4. OH MY GOSH. Are you serious??!! I was absolutely head over heels for the entire He-Man and his crew. I went bananas for the Princess of Power and oh--the cat one? I can't remember her name. But oh! You are awesome. And I seroiusly think it is a darned shame there wasn't a cell phone to take a pic of your drawing. But then you wouldn't have won that kick ass phone in the first place. I'm from Michigan and totally dug Meijer- I am now a bit disappointed in them to tell you the truth- for not giving it back!

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    1. I was from a very small town in Ohio. The grand opening of that store was HUGE; everyone in town showed up for it. And I played with He-Man characters because my parents wouldn't pony up the cash for She-Ra figures for me. Somehow I survived in spite of them. Maybe it was the cool phone that got me through.

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  5. Skeleton totally needed some lovin' and I WISH I could see what you drew that would give it to him.
    Loved this!
    Came from Finding the Funny!

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    1. I think half of Skeletor's anger stemmed from sexual frustration; although my 7 year old self intepreted this as him just needing a hug. I was pretty saavy even back then. Thanks for stopping by and for the shout out!

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